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Jobs Writers Do When They're Not Writing - Barman
So I worked a little job as a barman. In Scotland. In winter.
The good news is that they played the current music of the time, and you’d be surprised how much ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca’ grows on you after the 58th listen, and how, if you block your ears, Lou Bega's ‘Mambo No. 5' is pretty much ‘Eine Kleine Nachtmusik' but with more trumpet…
Jobs Writers Do When They're Not Writing: Statistics Wrangler
It's 9.23, and Andrew Edgar Wiseman the Third (not his real name) is freaking out.
He's had seven cups of coffee, on account of the regular coffee drinking competitions we undertake to break up the boredom of working at a place where even the lifts sleep half the day. As a statistics wrangler, our job, ironically, is not to wrangle statistics (they leave that to people with degrees in that area) but rather, to ring up people who haven't given us their statistics, and say, 'When do you think you can give us your statistics?' before they hang up on us, and we say, 'Ah, well...'
Jobs Writers Do When They're Not Writing: Working in a Liquor Store
I have a friend called Heinrich (not his real name).
He is one of the best guys I know. I know this because he was my boss at a liquor store when I crashed the liquor store’s delivery van. Twice. In the space of about three months. Give or take two months...
Jobs Writers Do When They're Not Writing: Mulching an Airport
It is a truth universally acknowledged that an airport not yet mulched is in need of a good mulching. It is a lesser known truth that some poor bastard has to spread said mulch along the highways and byways that lead into the airport...